Journal

notes from a night with Saint Genet May 17, 2013

by Alice

Walking alone, standing, overwhelming sensation of death as we await for everything to start
give me a hand
we are all lost
Don't you fucking look at me that way, so sideways
Slow-motion spinning porcupines
I can feel you piercing my skin
we are all dead
Walk slowly, tell me secrets
The unbearable feelings that you are all robots
>> can you please begin the entrance of Sir. Carl Lawrence
moments are announced, beginnings 
fucking sit down you people - is that what you are thinking?
…it hasn't even started yet
soft boundaries, this is the life
thumps of running steps
stop, just before the space, enter slowly
The unbearable feelings that you are all robots
can you even see?
Porcupine man
More everywhere, smoke everywhere
slow and steady
just like spoiled brats, and just because of that we can afford it.
the luxury of playing with death, the luxury of playing with other people's emotions
the luxury of a crowd willing to die, willing to be hurt, to be scared
why do we watch horror movies?
why do I love Clockworkorange?
lost
framed vertical is the myth of Ophelia
Somebody once told me >> Genius is as common as dirt
>> please begin the match
from introduction to prelude, guide us, oooh pseudo Virgil
silent explosions in the sky
I miss my mom now
you are all quite beautiful
silent explosions
milk scattering on flat surfaces
feed me
the luxury of playing with death
blow one more balloon
over
and
over and over
fall and expand
fall and explode
drink more, do you really need to be lost, to feel permission
I just want to abandon myself in this beautiful world with you
you are all so beautiful
look at me
lay to me
blow me one more balloon
Clean my shit, I don't say thank you, like an old man, is now hard to get up
standing on a desert island, surrounded by people
the paradox of the lonely man
the luxury of playing with death
please dont pretend not to care
Ophelia is drowning
woven in wealth

cheers

are you just drunk asses that make beautiful things?
I know you
I have never been this calm
I have never been this worried
KISS, HOLD ME FROM BEHIND, DRINK AGAIN
KISS, HUG
SPIT AND LEAVE
it hurts
>> Cute little bastards
everything is going down, endless tippy toe puppet master dance
dance in a dark room, where the devil is, dance until you die
run in
sounds of breathing corpses
let it rain
will you love me one day?
Dandelions and frustration, while people sway
it looks like the sun is rising
KISS AND SPIT
AGAIN
TRANSFER LIQUIDS
START AGAIN
DO IT FASTER

The virgin suicide is still there immaculate, falling
What is your smell?

JUST BECAUSE YOU BLEED YOU ARE NOT FUCKING JESUS

Is this the story of all your loves
Ophelia, you have loved once
one more changes the rules

cry cry little mermaids
YOU CANNOT DROWN, I'M SORRY

The porcupines planets are long gone now

are you happy?
show me your souls, show me how?

you breathe
IN-HALE
EX-HALE
the last breath recycled over and over, inebriating
>> break my soul, while you break my heart

BEER | HONEY | WINE | AIR | LOVE | FUCK | SHIT

Clean up, fix, collect, organize, worthless lives
what is real anyhow?
what a stupid question
anyhow
hold the grain
the grains to my bread
moving hands, endless sound of gravity
>> Cute little bastards
you are all quite beautiful
The unbearable feelings that you are all robots
this is not eternal, this is just the truth, love sucks, you hate the other sex, while you fraternize with those that identify with your own hetero-normative reality.
It's ok, but it is not that simple, it's only one truth

Clean after me
Clean where I walk
Take my remnants
Search for my dead cells attached to these spiky weeds
Find the epidermis I left behind
that is pure love
at it's incontrollable highest
-a procession in which the lizard and the monkey are the only ones taking care of me

...spring break...

Everything is spinning
Modern dervishes
Rotating birds
Just like thee, continuously flying
WE SPIN

Is drinking the only way we know to be tender?
Are altered states only real vulnerable moments?

I do not want to be a mediocre artist
you are all quite beautiful
The unbearable feelings that you are all robots

look back in time Ophelia is shaking
At the end the woman is the goddess and only man die
WATER | WINE | HONEY
a penny for your thoughts, a penis for your thoughts
Glistening in bee's juice, will you tell us a story, as hypnotizing?

I LOVE YOU SO

>> Frail ghost
>>I love you so
>>please come home to me
>>please come home to me

Gold leafs falling, transform crying babies in dinosaurs
your voice makes my seat vibrate

the dance of modern dervishes
the dead will revenge us all

KISS KISS | SWOLLOW | SPIT
SACRIFICIAL CREATURES
>>ENTER ME | ENTER ME | ENTER ME

even in resurrection we cry
even then we want to be done
>> lets be done alright

sit back
and be well
fucking bastards listen to my voice

please don’t die

Dependency
Human dependency
there is nothing to loose

Hold me
Leave me
Dont ever leave me
Can you walk?

Do you remember anything?

Say goodbye, say all your prayers for tomorrow
you will need it

[...]

I look around
Everybody is hugging, searching, longing, dark dark eyed
Thank you for holding me

 

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